Credit Card Applications for Wizards
by ScatturedBraained
Summary: What happens when wizards get a hold of credit card applications? How will they react? And can Sirius have, Death of Bees? And is it possible for Ronald to fail the application?
1. Prolouge

Lucy looked strangely at the eleven credit-card applications. Who were these psychopaths? They all thought they were…wizards…?

"Lucy, are you going to give me those applications?" Her boss snapped.

"I think these are pranks though, sir." She stuttered.

"Now why exactly would you think that?"

"Well if you…you could just read them." So he did. He read them, every single one of them, and they were, were…well if you could just read them….

This is a funny story my cousin and I thought up. Please read and review!


	2. Lucius Malfoy

**Credit Card Application:**

**Name:** Lucius Malfoy

**Occupation:** Richest Wizard

**Income:** IMMENSLEY more than yours

**Work #:** N/A

**Insurance Provider:** The best available (Voldie and Co.)

**Life Expectancy:** Worry about your own

**Emergency fund accounts:** Bail

**Employer:** The term is LORD

**DOB:** You mean Dobby? Stupid, lowly, disgraceful, no good, disgusting, filthy elf!

**Title (Mr.; Mrs.; Dr. Ect.):** Master

**Stature in five years:** The right hand of the most powerful and successful wizard of all time (second in command of the world)

**Appearance Identification (skin markings, naval piercing, hair color, ECT):** I have a unique tattoo on my left forearm and my hair is perfectly platinum.

**Notes:** I suggest you filthy muggles worry about yourselves.

**Sign Here:** _Lucius Malfoy_

**Read and Review!**


	3. Sirius Black

**Credit Card Application:**

**Name:** Sirius Black

**Occupation:** Convict

**Income:** Man, I wish there was some

**Work #:** N/A

**Insurance Provider:** Myself, and I guess the Order…

**Life Expectancy:** Umm…until the death eaters find me?

**Emergency fund accounts:** None, my life is an emergency…

**Employer:** Hello? CONVICT!

**DOB:** What is that supposed to mean, Death of Bees?

**Title (Mr.; Mrs.; Dr.):** Black, Sirius Black

**Stature in five years:** Jail, dead, or still hiding

**Appearance Identification (skin markings; Naval Piercings; Hair color; ECT):** I have HOT, black hair

**Notes:** Umm…I've been wondering, what's a credit card?

**Signature:** _Sirius Black_


	4. Albus Dumbledore

**Credit Card Application:**

**Name:** Albus Dumbledore

**Occupation:** Headmaster

**Income:** I'd rather not say

**Work #:** N/A

**Insurance Provider:** Wizarding Works Protection

**Life Expectancy:** Oh…a few hundred more years perhaps

**Emergency Fund Accounts:** Headmaster substitution pay checks

**Employer:** None other than the minister to me as a citizen

**DOB:** Muggle saying is it not, Date of Birth?

**Title (Dr.; Mr.; Mrs.; ECT.):** Professor/ Headmaster/ sir

**Stature in five years:** Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, or knitting socks

**Appearance Identification (skin markings; naval piercings; hair color; ect.):** I have a longer white beard, and a scar on the left knee that resembles a map of underground England

**Notes:** Can this non-magical device be used to purchase socks and lemon drops?

**Signature:** _Albus Dumbledore_

**A/N Review, Review, and read our other stories! "Secret Santas" by likewise4me, and "The 5th Marauder?" by wishfulwings13.**


	5. Lord Voldemort

**Credit Card Application:**

**Name:** Lord Voldemort

**Occupation:** Ruler of the World

**Income:** I own everything you idiot

**Work #:** If you have something to settle with me, I will find YOU

**Insurance**: I am the most powerful and lethal wizard of all time do I look like I need life protection

**Life expectancy: **I shall never die

**Emergency Fund Accounts**: FOR THE LAST TIME I OWN EVERYTHING! (What emergency?)

**Employer:** RULER OF THE WORLD (Myself you dimwit)!

**DOB**: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY TO ME?

**Title (Dr.; Mr.; Mrs.; ECT.):** Lord; Ruler; Majesty; Your Honor (but preferably Lord or Tommy ) )

**Stature in Five Years:** RULER OF THE WORD

**Appearance Identification (skin markings; naval peircings; hair color; ECT.)** ONCE AGAIN, I WILL FIND YOU (but I have snake like eyes)

**Notes:** If you contact me, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!

**Signature:** _LV_

**Hey there! It;s us, wishfulwings13 and likewise4me! This story is awfully popular, don't ya think? Well, if you guys like this story, then you will most likely like our other stories "The 5th Marauder?" by wishfulwings13 and "Secret Santas" by likewise4me. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review now!**


	6. Luna Lovegood

**Credit Card Application:**

**Name:** Luna Lovegood

**Occupation:** That one thing...where you fight bad guys...?

**Income:** D'you mean "come in"?

**Work #:** What a lovely little symbol! Do you mind teaching me how to draw it?

**Insurance**: Insurance: Large cocoons that hold dog-like animals.

**Life expectancy: **Oh...well, I do hope a long time...

**Emergency Fund Accounts**: Does this mean a vault at Gringotts? Because, my father thinks that the bank is run by scarves that can choke you if you don't do something they want you to do.

**Employer:** Hmm...maybe the Order...

**DOB**: That's a lovely drink they serve in Tahiti

**Title (Dr.; Mr.; Mrs.; ECT.):** The title of my favorite book is, "The Exact Function of a Rubber Duck", it's a wonderful read.

**Stature in Five Years:** Oh...I'm not quite sure...you should really ask Professor Trelawny for questions like that...

**Appearance Identification (skin markings; naval peircings; hair color; ECT.)** Oh...I have hair...and eyes...

**Notes:** Hello...

**Signature:** _Luna Lovegood_


	7. Arthur Weasley

**Credit Card Application:**

**Name:** Arthur Weasley

**Occupation:** Muggle Studies, Death Eater Fighter bloke.

**Income:** Heh...let's just say "not enough"

**Work #:** D'you mean on the Phellytone? That's a wonderful little device...

**Insurance**: I can, "insure" you, I don't need it.

**Life expectancy: **Many more years, I hope

**Emergency Fund Accounts**: Heh...what emergency funds?

**Employer:** Dumbledore

**DOB**: Umm...dancing order of bologna?

**Title (Dr.; Mr.; Mrs.; ECT.):** Of what? I'm just Arthur...

**Stature in Five Years:** Working most likely...or dead. How pessimistic of me. I apologize old chap!

**Appearance Identification (skin markings; naval peircings; hair color; ETC.)** Bloody, flaming red hair.

**Notes: **Can I buy rubber ducks and ecletricity plugs with this?

**Signature: **_Arthur Weasley_


	8. Severus Snape

**Credit Card Application:**

**Name: **Severus Snape

**Occupation: **Professor of filthy, rotten adolescents who need a lesson in hygiene.

**Income: **Not enough for that horrifying job.

**Work #: **What the bloody hell is that?

**Insurance:** I can 'insure' you, I don't need it. Ha, aren't I 'punny'?

**Life Expectancy: **Let's just hope this all ends soon...

**Emergency Fund account: **Please contact my Goblin, Grimy...or is it Grumpy?

**Employer: **Crotchety, old bag of bones.

**DOB: **I don't understand code.

**Title: (Dr.; Mr.; Mrs.; ETC.): **'Sir' is imperative.

**Stature in Five Years: **Hopefully standing over Potter's cold, lifeless body...Oh, but what would Lily think?

**Appearance Identification (Skin markings, naval piercings, hair color, ETC.) **Apparently, not good enough, if I can't get a date.

**Notes**: N/A

**Signature:** _Severus Snape_


	9. George Weasley

Credit Card Application:

**Name:** George Weasley

**Occupation:** Former Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry student, Loved son of Molly and Arthur Weasley, Respected Order of the Phoenix member, Friend to many, many, many people, Typical prankster, Brother to Fred Weasley, Ron Weasley, Percy Weasley, Ginny Weasley, and Bill Weasley, Adopted brother of Harry Potter (no photographs please) and Hermione Granger, and esteemed owner of Arty our royal owl.

**Income**: Well I am known for being a modest man, but since you pushed it, I make MUCH more than you do these days.

**Work #: N/A**

**Insurance Provider:** As Dear old Dad always said "I can "insure" you I don't need it." I say who give a damn You-Know-Poo is dead as a doornail anyway.

**Life Expectancy:** Don't really know mate, do I look like Trelawney, actually she doesn't know either, guess you're out of luck there.

**Emergency fund accounts:** Give money for emergencies? I don't want to do that! That sounds bloody awful!

**Employer:** Haha you're looking/and or reading about him. I know it's bloody amazing.

**DOB:** Sorry, I don't do that with people I just met, normally it's after at least two dates…flattered though.

**Title (Mr.; Mrs.; Dr.):** Well if you insist, Your Highness, would do just fine.

**Stature in five years:** Oh I don't know living, dying, either one really.

**Appearance Identification (skin markings; Naval Piercings; Hair color; ECT):** Oi have you never heard of the Weasley red hair? Merlin, are you sure you're going to be able to read this? I mean I have used some big words.

**Notes:** So mate, tell me what this bloody thing is for.

**Signature:** _George Weasley_


	10. Ronald Weasley

Credit Card Application:

**Name:** Ronald Weasley. (Not Weasel!)

**Occupation: **Wizard, flunky of Harry Potter ('Mione told me not to put that, but he was being pig-headed today, so I think he should—Ow! Dammit, 'Mione.) Ignore that "Flunky of Harry Potter" comment, (only because _she_ made me take it back.)

**Income**: Haha, that's funny! That's—really—funny!

**Work #: **I know I'm not that bright, so I'll ask this politely: What the hell is that, and if it is a rude sign, I will take and kill you with it…if you can do that…oh, you know what I bloody mean!

**Insurance Provider: **What is that? Do you go there, if, like, you're having trouble deciding something? Or…hmm, I think that's a pretty good explanation.

**Life Expectancy:** How the bloody hell should I know? Good God, all of you muggles think that we _all_ have mind reading powers…well, we don't! Well, not all of us at least…or maybe everyone else does, and they're hiding it from me…oh, they _would_ do that! Bloody liars…

**Emergency fund accounts:** Once again, haha, that's funny!

**Employer:** None your bloody business!

**DOB:** No, you spelt his name wrong. It's DOB_BY_. And people think I'm stupid…

**Title (Mr.; Mrs.; Dr.):** I don't know what those mean…I guess "Mrs." looks nice. I'll go with that.

**Stature in five years:** I'm going to say about 6'1"-6'3". (Stature is height, correct?)

**Appearance Identification (skin markings; Naval Piercings; Hair color; ECT):** Red hair. I tried dying it once, though…that wasn't a good year for me…

**Notes:** What happens after this? Is this a test? Did I fail!? Oh, God, I failed! I can't believe I failed!

**Signature:** _Ronald Weasley_


	11. Molly Weasley

**Credit Card Application:**

**Name:** Molly Weasley

**Occupation:** Mother to several ungrateful children, wife of a lunatic and friend of the absolutely wonderful Harry Potter! (He is an absolute doll! I only wish Ronny-kins could live up to a boy like that!)

**Income:** "Oh, no, Molly, you don't need a job! Let's have lots of children and live in a small house and I'll work all of the time to barely support us!" Not that I complaining or anything…

**Work #:** Is that when you use a phelly-phone? Ronald tried using that one time…I think it might have permanently damaged him; if you know what I mean…

**Insurance Provider:** I won't even bother using Arthur's bloody pun.

**Life Expectancy:** Long enough to make sure Ronald remembers to keep his dirty underwear off of the floor!

**Emergency Fund Accounts:** Cookie jar under the sink. I do hope it still has money in it…unless George and Fred have been stealing from it…I should probably ground them. Even if they didn't do _that_, they probably did something else

**Employer:** My children

**DOB:** Oh, dear! A lady never reveals her age! Let's say that I am perpetually Twenty-five. Yes, that was a good age!

**Title (Dr.; Mr.; Mrs.; ECT.):** "Mum, could you do this one thing…"

**Stature in five years:** I'm a mother; I'm more concerned with the next five minutes.

**Appearance Identification (skin markings; naval piercings; hair color; ect.):** Well, I'm sort-of short, and I can sometimes be rather 'frumpy-looking', but that's not my fault, I have seven children to be concerned about.

**Notes:** Please don't send this to Arthur. He will talk my ear off about how he got one of these from a "real, live Muggle, Molly!"

**Signature:** _Molly Weasley_


End file.
